Moral Repugnance Scale of NFL Teams
When fantasy statistics* or playoff contention for your hometown** team(s) are not at issue, for whom should you root? Fr. Esget’s Moral Repugnance Scale is your handy guide. Simply compare the ranking of the two teams playing, and root for the team with the higher number.
(Note: Teams 9-22 are in a gray area. There really is very little difference among them. The original scale had the Vikings at 32 and Redskins at 31. Honesty prevented me from keeping them there. This is my blog; make your own chart if you don’t like it. That the Packers are the most disgusting organization of arrogant, cheese-eating scoundrels in the universe is an objective fact, however, so don’t try to deny it.)
*The moral repugnance scale affects fantasy football selections in the following way: (1) Green Bay players are not allowed on your fantasy team. A good league will simply not allow them on any roster. (2) A Cowboys player may be drafted if he is the unequivocal choice at that point in the draft; if there is another reasonable choice at that slot, the power of Christ compels you to choose the non-Dallas player.
**Wisconsin not included. Residents of Wisconsin are morally obligated to root for the Vikings or the Bears.
- Green Bay Packers – Obviously
- Oakland Raiders - Al Davis [up from 3 - see comments]
- Dallas Cowboys - Drew “Push-off” Pearson, Terrell “I love me some me” Owens, Adam Jones, Jerry Jones, Michael Irvin [down from 2 - see comments]
- New England Patriots - Spygate
- Cincinnati Bengals – Is the entire team on parole?
- Baltimore Ravens – Ray Lewis
- Miami Dolphins - Bill Parcells
- Seattle Seahawks – Microsoft
- Tennessee Titans
- Kansas City Chiefs
- San Diego Chargers
- Atlanta Falcons
- Carolina Panthers
- New Orleans Saints
- Tampa Bay Buccaneers
- New York Giants
- Philadelphia Eagles
- St. Louis Rams
- Jacksonville Jaguars
- San Francisco 49ers
- Arizona Cardinals
- Houston Texans
- Buffalo Bills – Dick Jauron is a very nice guy; plus, he likes the Red Sox, which while not as awesome as rooting for the Twins, still shows taste and class in a world of [expletive deleted] Yankees. Also, they share a special bond with the Lutheran Team of Choice, the Vikings, in having lost four Super Bowls.
- New York Jets - May Brett Favre win a SuperBowl with the Jets, sticking it to the Cheese
- Denver Broncos - Because Coach Geter likes them
- Cleveland Browns - Cheated once out of their team, Cleveland deserves a winner
- Detroit Lions - Those poor fans deserve a winner, too
- Chicago Bears - Lovie Smith is a stand-up guy; they hate the Packers too
- Washington Redskins - Because I live there
- Minnesota Vikings – Those who love the theology of the cross love the Vikings
- Pittsburgh Steelers – All class
- Indianapolis Colts - Tony Dungy
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I’m sorry. Al Davis has been doing what Al Davis is doing for decades (and he’s looking more and more like Gollum). Who can forget when he used to move his team around as if they were migratory birds? And then, when the NFL wanted to put a team in L.A., he tried to block it because “he might want to go back someday.”
In its heydey, the Raiders and their fans were despicable. A fan of the oposing team could not enter the stadium without leaving in five minutes in an ambulance. They were ignorant, cruel, and disgusting. The owner has always been a megalomaniac, the team — when it was “good,” played dirty and cruelly, and the fans were the lowest common denominator. No wonder they were the number one football team worn by street gangs.
I have no favorite football teams. No rivalries to risk biasing anything (not that I am insinuating anything here….). In purely ontological and moral categories, the Raiders are the most despicable team in football. They deserve the #1 slot. They are just scuzzy.
RPW, truly the Raiders are despicable. You make a good argument that I will not contradict in any way. The Cowboys, though, are becoming the new Raiders – they take the players that are so heinous they get thrown off of other teams (Owens, Jones, etc.). And the Packers, well, they’re dirty at an entirely different level (e.g., tampering charges against a division team for non-existent reasons). But the Raiders are sleazy and despicable, no doubt about it.
Did you put the viks at 30 instead 32 because of the bad start or gus the head butter?
How on earth are the Bills 23, which is, according to you, on the same level as the Tennesse Titans at 9, who rode an illegal forward pass all the way to a near-miss in the Super Bowl? I think you’re lost somewhere between “esgetology” and “eschatology”. *wink*
I think you’ve got the Vikings and the Bills confused. God is obviously a Bills fan, but He doesn’t want us to be theology of Glory people. So he let us go to four consecutive Super Bowls, but then we lost all four.
If that isn’t theology of the cross, I don’t know what is.
Oh, and I’m going to the game on Monday night and cheering for the Saints. Just because of what you said about the Bills. So there. *sticks out tongue*
LOL…I originally spelled my errored “heydey” as “hayday.” When I corrected the first “a”, I was apparently too thorough!
The Cowboys are completely unlikeable, and Terrell Owens, Michael Irvin, and the player previously known as Pacman are truly stories unto themselves….and you even neglected to take into account the fact that the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders made way too many appearances on “Love Boat.”
I still argue that the Raiders are on a completely different plane of sleazy. It’s not impossible that the Cowboys could achieve it, but they are not there yet.
Alan, I heard this week an interview with Dick Jauron, and he’s a stand-up guy. Also, 4-time SB losers have to stick together, so I’m moving them up in the rankings. There, now please switch your cheering allegiance this Monday. You don’t want to be rooting for Reggie “Bust” Bush, now, do you?
Alright, RPW, I think I may have been blinded by my focus on the NFC. The Raiders aren’t on my radar (hah!) like the Cowgirls are. But you’ve convinced me – I’m moving them up to #2. The Packers stay on top because of the bogus tampering charges last Summer. Jerks.
Actually, I didn’t move the Bills up, I just changed the parameters of the “gray area,” plus added some nice things about the Bills. Hey, they were the best of the gray area to begin with, so that counts for something, no?
Steve, I originally had the Vikes at 32, but then decided to pretend to be objective. I don’t mind Magic Gus, and I love AD. We’ve got to get a few more years away from the Love Boat business before they can earn their way to the top.
RPW: Also, I try not to bring up the term “Love Boat.” See previous comment…
You really know your sports!
I respectfully disagree with your choice for #32. The Colts are #32 because of Tony Dungy? At whose knee did he learn and from whom does he credit his defensive philosophy? Chuck Noll, one of the greatest football coaches of all-time, and, one of the reasons I assume you call the Steelers “all class.”
Heidi, Heidi, Heidi …
The Steelers traded Dungy away as a player – so that counts against them.
Plus, Dungy played QB for the University of Minnesota, so he gets extra points for that.
Finally, he was a coordinator for the Vikings. So, Dungy stays on top. My dream is that he comes to be head coach of the Vikes. It’s not going to happen, though – his wife hates the cold weather!
Not this Wisconsin girl! I hear this enough from my mother in law from Chicago Illinois. Go Packers!!!!! I’ll root for them every time.
If the Patriots get ranked at #4 because of Spygate, why on earth would the Colts be at #32 because of Tony Dungy? Are you forgetting that Tony Dungy and longtime Steeler coach Bill Cowher were both part of a Kansas City Chief’s staff that videotaped opposing coaches signals? Former Cowboys coach, Jimmy Johnson, said he videotaped signals while he was in Dallas, and he learned it from a Chiefs scout who showed him how Marty Schottenheimer’s staff did it in Kansas City. This was back when the offense had to signal plays in by hand so there were offensive signals for the defense to steal too. Johnson only mentions that Dungy now employs Howard Mudd, whom Johnson thinks is the best signal stealer in the NFL. What Johnson didn’t mention is that Dungy and Cohwer were both on that Schottenheimer staff. Check out Johnson’s comments here:
http://www.bostonherald.com/blogs/sports/patriots/index.php/2008/02/23/jimmy-johnson-thinks-spygate-is-overblown/
It seems like a double standard to put the Patriots at #4 while giving Dungy a pass on this. Now I’m not saying you should move the Colts (and Dungy up from #32) because of this, just that maybe the Patriots shouldn’t be at #4.
I guess Vikings fans may not like former Viking Randy Moss much these days. I can understand that. Let’s not forget that the Patriots also have former Golden Gopher Laurence Maroney at running back and that QB Joe Kapp, who led the Vikings to their first playoff game and their first Super Bowl (during Fran Tarkenton’s New York exile), once played for the Patriots.
Personally, I’d put the Pats at #1. Pretty boy/out-of-wedlock dad Brady and surly, cheatin’ Belicheck aren’t the type of player or coach I want my 12-year old looking up to –and of course, you also have that examplary good sport in Randy Moss. (although the Raiders and Cowboys do have good reasons for being ahead of the Patsies, I don’t hold a grudge agains Green Bay. sorry Pastor)
Go Colts!!!!!!!!
It is the lawyer in me — I need to rebut. Doesn’t the fact that Mike Tomlin is the current Steelers coach trump Dungy’s Minnesota connections?
Nope. He didn’t stay long enough. (I wish the Vikes had fired Childress and promoted Tomlin instead!) The Steelers have thwarted the hopes and dreams of many Viking aspirations, and that will probably keep them forever from the top spot.
Jen, this transcends grudges. You don’t have to live in Georgia to be a bit peeved at Russia right now. The same principle applies. A heinous team is a heinous team, so I exhort you and all fair-minded people to renounce the Packers, and all their works, and all their ways.
As a Bears fan, I heartily concur in your choice of number one.
You must be pretty excited about Jay Cutler, eh? I was hoping the Vikes would get him.
I need to revise this list, now that some of the more reprehensible characters have changed squads.
I'd be more excited if he had somebody to throw to.
You want Berrian back? I'll give you Berrian and Childress for your coach. What you do with Childress is your business. I suggest making him a tackling dummy.