When I lived in southern Illinois, I had bad experience after bad experience with the funeral homes. Some were worse than others, but the men running them were all obsessed with the title “Funeral Director.” It trumped all things religious, and since our Lutheran church didn’t exactly run a Baptist tissue-soaker, it often meant war. My naivete and total unwillingness to compromise didn’t help, but I’m not sure if it would be better or worse now that I have 10 years under my belt (and too many pounds over it, alas).
I remember being up all night with a man at St. Louis University hospital. His wife died on the operating table, and afterward we planned out, together, every detail of her funeral, to be held at church. Good Lutheran hymns, use of the Pall and processional crucifix, Bible readings and no eulogies. “I want a good Lutheran funeral for my wife, Pastor.” I drove the 90+ minutes back home, slept for a couple of hours, and headed over to the mortuary to get the “funeral director” up to speed. To my astonishment, he had insisted that the funeral be at his chapel (for an extra fee, of course), and no hymns (”People in this town don’t like to sing that stuff”). Instead, we were treated to a recording of “Sunrise, Sunset” - no better Christian message at a funeral, right? I was livid - but also powerless.
While I still detest the entire “funeral industry,” funeral homes in northern Virginia are far better. They are genuinely interested in accomodating religious and cultural practices, and I’ve never had a problem with anyone here.
However, poor Father Jeffrey Leger has run into a bit of trouble - his local funeral director is suing him and the Louisville Archdiocese for “intentional and wrongful interference” in his mortuary’s business practices. Fr. Leger, it turns out, has been insisting that Roman Catholic funerals, well, follow Roman Catholic policies. You can read the whole ridiculous story here.
I am very upset with Mollie Hemingway for ruining my afternoon with this story. 
6 responses so far ↓
Pastor Klemsz // August 19, 2008 at 12:48 pm
We are fortunate to have a very accommodating company that the majority of members use. From the placement of the casket in the church to the music and liturgy, the churches wishes were met. The director was quiet thrilled when I rode to the cemetery with the body and kept my robes on to officiate at the committal. I can’t imagine what you had to deal with in Illinois. Caulk one up for the central coast of liberal land!
revlittleelmer // August 20, 2008 at 10:32 pm
Funeral Directors can be a real pain. However, when I was serving in Minnesota, I was richly blessed to have a wonderful funeral home with which to work. The owner and his staff were very good in working with the families. They were Lutheran and that helped me out a lot. I actually had the oposite situation to what you describe in your post. I had a family that wanted some “B.S.” like the song you mentioned. The funeral director interviened and said that it was not appropriate for worship and that he was sure the Pastor (me) would be able to suggest something more appropriate. I know I was uniquely blessed and I am thankful!
Christopher Esget // August 20, 2008 at 10:36 pm
I would have bought that funeral director tix to a Vikings game or something! That is a real blessing.
Rev. Rich Heinz // August 22, 2008 at 8:36 am
During my vicarage in Hannibal, MO, my supervisor spoke of such run-ins with the local funeral industry.
But here in southern Indiana, not far at all from Louisville, we are very blessed with two funeral “homes.” They both have long histories with our members and are very accommodating. The majority of our funerals are “by the book,” and both funeral home staffs respect the pall, paschal candle, etc. etc.
Kirken // August 23, 2008 at 11:26 pm
I am a Lutheran Funeral Director from Alberta, Canada. Unfortunately the schools are teaching the wrong things, but I have been fortunate to work with Directors that believe what I believe, “We are to stay out of the ministers way and that they are the one’s that are in charge of the service”. When families ask me about different aspects of the service I tell then that they need to discuss the service with their minister that is not my place to discuss that with them. I see it all the time where the families are very unhappy with what the funeral industry has turned into. Myself and my fellow staff members where I work have been working at changing the negatives about the industry in the community that I work in. We have had to work very hard to gain the respect of the different churches and their ministers but we are slowly gaining their respect.
P.S. I absolutely detest eulogies, open mikes, non hymns, and DVD tributes in a Funeral Service.
Christopher Esget // September 22, 2008 at 10:33 pm
Kirken,
You are a credit to your profession. God bless you in your work.
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